Point of self values

 

photo by Josh Rothman source Flickr

So I am approaching the turnstiles at the Harvard Subway stop and I am about to swipe and enter when four individuals leaving the station all go to the four turnstiles and exit, followed by another four people who then occupy all four stiles.  So, I stand there, frozen, with my card hovering, waiting to be swiped and time and time again another person looks up at me … and then proceeds to use the turnstile I am standing in front of without a word or gesture.  They just have a look on their face of “yes, you must stand aside for me.”  Since I have no choice but to stand there spending some quality time with myself,  I think about the situation.  The voice in my head says:

“Good citizens, I am just a guy who is trying to catch a train.   I stand here watching you and your fellow commuters willfully block my access to the train you, and they, just left.  I can now hear the chimes that are telling me that the doors are closing and that I will be waiting another 15 minutes (if I am lucky)  before I can be on my way.  Is there not a way we can work out a system to allow us all to work together?  Could the exiters, maybe, stay to the right and the enterers stay to the right and then we will not butt heads?”

Fast forward to the evening and the reverse seems to be happening.  I find myself standing at the other side of the turnstiles watching droves of people try to negotiate inserting and removing the ticket. (You see, there are a lot of what my wife and I call “amateurs” at this stop.  These people are flummoxed by the system and create bottle necks everywhere.  This is only a point of amusement and not of frustration.  I have been a stranger negotiating a strange system in the past.  I understand the confusion)   So I stand there, trying to make eye contact so that someone will give the 3 seconds it will take for me to exit the station.  No dice.  I stand there long enough to have some internal discourse … again:

“Can’t these fine folks see that this is a crowded station and that they system works better if you let people out first.  The time it take for me to slip out of the turnstile is about the same time it takes for you to find your T-pass. (Why did you not have it out beforehand is my real question?)  Maybe if you entered on the far right, and I exited on the far right we would not have this confrontation?”

See what is happening?  This is an example of what I would like call “Point of Self Values”  Point of Self Values are defined by creating internal judgement that supports your own self interests despite logic or consistency.  I realize that you cannot justify that people should give way to me on my way into the subway, but also expect them to give way to me on my way out.  It would be nice if we could be aware enough to set up a system that works for everyone, but in these moments our own Point of Self Values rules the day.  

We do this all the time though and I am starting to realize how much we do this.   Another great example of this is the ire we have toward pedestrians when we drive.  Pedestrians are clueless and careless.   Pedestrians should understand that I am controlling a big fast heavy machine and cannot react fast enough to ensure your safety.  But, as soon as one is walking, we know that all drivers are jerks and detached.  I mean, its 28 degrees out and sleeting out and you are sitting in a Volvo with seat warmers, can’t you wait 30 seconds for me to cross the street.  This is 30 seconds that you can “make up” by putting the slightest of pressure on the gas pedal, while the best I can do to make up time is to run?  Don’t even get me started when you throw cyclists into the mix.  That kind of gray area makes chaos the rule and brains explode.

There are numerous other examples.  I hate when people bring large strollers into small public spaces, but I believe that public spaces are important places to live an enriching life and would want my children to exist in those spaces.  I am unclear if I would be so bold as to drive an SUV sized stroller through a 8 foot wide cafe’, but I would probably feel justified to do so if I thought it was important for my children.

Do you have experiences like this?  I would love if you could share them with me.  The more we put this on the table the better I think I can understand how to stop thinking this way.

Open Letter to Jeff Fairchild

Who is Jeff Fairchild?  I am not sure actually.  It is the screen-name of a gentleman who offered an opinion to the world via a comments function on Foxnews.com. His post was in response to a very sarcastic and snarky opinion about the Vice Presidential debate last night by a blogger named Bob Beckel.  I am glad to say I have never heard of this Beckel person before today.   I am sorry to say that I have now read something Mr. Beckel wrote.

How did I end up on Foxnews.com?  When something in the world happens, that I would like a balanced understanding of, I try to read a journalistic report from many different sources.  This morning I read articles on Boston.com, Bostonherald.com, Foxnews.com, NYTimes.com, and CNN.com.  I wanted to see what the amplitude of the swinging political pendulum was regarding the debates.  I had used Google news to help direct me to articles of interest and unfortunately I was linked to Mr. Beckels diatribe blog.  

I will abstain from going into why I have a problem with Mr. Beckel’s offering   Just know that I will try my best to not follow his example of how to express opinions on ones blog.  

How did I come to read Jeff Fairchild’s comment?  Sigh … I don’t know.  I could insert a screed of text here about how I am realizing to what depths I despise the comments function attached to legitimate journalistic offerings on the Internet, but that diverts me away from my discussion with Jeff.  Lets just say that I am fine with non-journalists like Jeff Fairchild (assumption of course) and myself (evident I am sure) commenting on blog posts which are clearly written to throw chum in the waters.  Sadly Jeff got sucked in, but in a way, I am glad because Jeff is someone I really want to understand better.  If you have to subject yourself to this shameless flamebait (its simply HAS to be) feel free to visit   http://foxforum.blogs.foxnews.com/2008/10/02/bbeckel_1003/comment-page-3/#comments

Lets get to it.  Mr. Fairchild, if you are really out there, I have some questions for you.  Not because I want to refute anything you have to say, but because I truly want to understand your point of view better.  So, if you just happen to Google your name and you happen to click on this letter, please feel free to respond to me.  I look forward to it.  

For the sake of context, here is the full text of Mr. Fairchild’s comment. 

Comment by Jeff Fairchild


October 3rd, 2008 at 10:21 am


You know, it is a sad state of affairs when we allow the elites to talk down to us and we say that they are the best because they are “professionals” and people who speak in a simple language are somehow not as intelligent. It was the elites and profession politicians and Wall Street people that have got us in this mess. I think it is time for some down home people to take over. Isn’t that they way our country was founded in the first place? At one time politicians did not get paid for service and included the common man. I think it is time for common folks like Palin to lead. You do not have to know all of the issues to run for any office. That is why people in leadership have teams of advisors. Why do we forget this? I am ready for a real change. I hope that the average person sees through all of this down talking and elitism of people like Bush, Obama, Reid, Pelosi, Frank, Dodd and their ilk. I am tired of being talked down to like I do not know what is going on. We need some common sense people like Palin.
Sorry Bob.

Jeff, my questions are as follows:

• Can you clarify your definition of elite?  I know what the Oxford English Dictionary says it means.   I know what it means, in practical terms for myself.  For example: I am a basketball player, I would have liked to play at the college level since I was a starter in high school averaging about 14 points per game, but the players who made my college team were playing at a different level.  In my world I would have called them elite in comparison to me.  I would call my wife elite in comparison to me as well as she has certain skills that far outreach my own. For instance she can write circles around me.  My mentor I see as being elite and, damn, what would I have done without him?  What does this word mean in your life?
• I would agree that people who speak “in a simple language” are not less intelligent or less educated, but would you agree that if you were less intelligent, the only option you have is to speak “in a simple language”?  This is bordering on augmentative, but I must know where your values lie on this one.
• Is it your assertion that having specialized skills in certain arenas like, investments, or governing, makes you LESS able to do those jobs?  I would not argue that bad people do bad things at any level of any discipline.  Shame on them if they are greedy or corrupt.  You and I can stand shoulder to shoulder and fight that cause together as long as we agree on who is causing the problems.
• Can you define “down home” for me?  I know you don’t know how I live or what I do, but could I call myself down home?  I mean, I live in my condo, with my wife, in a city and I use public transportation.  Am I out of the club?  Where is the line?  Might you mean down to earth?  Because that is something I can agree with you on.  We NEED people who are leaders to understand their place in the big picture.  Yes sir, I really want to elect people who are aware of all the big scary shit that I cannot deal with on a day to day basis.  Maybe its just semantics, can you clarify?
• Jeff, are you suggesting that we return to an 18th century form of government when our country’s population was 2.5 million (which is the population of Kansas by the way)?  Or are you suggesting that we rebel against the government like the colonists did?  Or maybe you mean to say that our founding fathers (no mothers or brothers were represented in that number if you noticed) were in no way compromised from rich business suit types, or academics?  The fact that you wrote “ I think it is time for some down home people to take over. Isn’t that they way our country was founded in the first place?“, and ended the phrase with a question mark makes me believe that you are not sure about how the founding of our government happened, and who participated in it.  I’m not either.  We could all use a refresher course on how our country began governing itself.  I, for one, think that our country of 301,139,947 people and a Gross National Product of 10 trillion dollars must inherently be governed differently than Thomas Jefferson did in 1776.  Can I point out that Thomas Jefferson was one very rich, very French speaking, artsy fartsy academic.  Damn, I even think that guy was a snob.
• Since I am lazy, I will take your word that in early American History, the politicians did not get paid.  This does not sound quite right, and given that  I have not researched this, I am sure they must have been involved in other ways of putting food on the table.  You know, to survive.  I think paying people for their work is the right thing to do.  It generally keeps them from having huge conflicts of interest, or simply starving to death.
• Again you speak the truth Jeff.  You do not HAVE to know all the issues to run for office.   But, shouldn’t you?  Who are these advisers?  People who have specialized expertise in certain skill sets?  Are these advisers elite?  If you follow the advice of the elite are you still “down home”?  

That is it Jeff.  Those are my questions.  Again, I really want to enter into a real honest discussion on these points.  I know at times I may have come off a bit quippy, but believe that I mean no disrespect.  I would be more than willing to hear your honest opinions about all of the above, and more.  In the end Jeff, I want real change too.  I want things to be better.  I want to not have to worry about job loss, or war, or who is stealing the money we earn.  I want to go to my job, do interesting if not meaningful work, go home to my wife, ask her about her day, finish off the day doing something peaceful and life affirming, go to bed and then get up and do it again.  I think if we can understand each other better, we can find that person who can lead our country to a place where you and I can just … be.  Just like what those folks wanted when they founded our country.  Here is a place where we can talk it over and gain some perspective.  I can’t wait to hear from you.